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What did you say your name was?
Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost myself.
I don’t know how to describe it really, or pin point when or where it happened. All I know is, it did. I became the person who doesn’t care what kind of crap I shove into my body. I could care less about working out, going to the gym. But thats not the worst of it. The worst of it is, the fear. I am terrified. Absolutely scared. Of what? Everything. I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of one person figuring out who I am. I’m scared of someone blowing my cover. I’m scared of being that person, who needs everyone else way more than they need me. I’ve become completely and utterly dependent on everyone else. Everyone else, but God.
How did this happen? I feel so phoney and used up and done for. How did I lose myself in this illusion that everything would be okay in the end and I could just pretending - to be nothing and everything, at the same time.
The worst part? I don’t know how to turn back. I feel like I’m past that half way point. I feel like, I’ve robed a bank and I’m driving over that state line.. the guilt overwhelms me, but look at what I’ve got. If I can get away with it, why turn around now? Do I risk getting caught? Do I turn around and turn myself in? Or, do I just keep driving?
The question is - who is in the drivers seat?
The James J. Hill Reference Library, Saint Paul, Minnesota. (photo by Monkey River Town)
"Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone."
Andy Stanley
“Somewhere along the way…” a blackout by H. Castañeda
“Sacrifice,” a blackout by Paris Akins, 17, USA
few have come this far
pulling out a victory
after death
